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HarderFaster Forums >> General Mayhem >> Victorian Vintage "WHAT'S MY CRIME?" episode 6

 
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Guile
A magnificent animal of a man

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2617 - Threads: 65
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy

Aaaaaand a big welcome back to this one off Bank Holiday Weekend Special episode of:
Badoom tish!

VICTORIAN VINTAGE - "WHAT’S MY CRIME?”


Before the Theory of Criminal Anthropology was posited, law enforcers in Victorian times struggled to spot hardened criminals as they had to rely on an incomplete although admirable list of typical characteristics of criminality to identify felons such as:


    Idleness
    Drunkenness
    Immorality
    Knowing more than two swear words
    Reading sensational literature
    High sex drive
    Loud laughter
    Having no money
    Being Irish, Welsh, Scottish or just out and out Foreign
    Brightly coloured and/or raggedy clothing
    Wanting to eat middle and upper class foodstuffs
    Living in damp hovels
    Working class accents
    Bald head


Victorians were keen to punish lawbreakers, and correctly viewed criminals as an underclass that were just waiting to commit crimes. Criminals lived outdoors or in squats, had multiple sexual partners, abused alcohol and exotic new drugs day and night, and generally ignored the mores of polite society.
Sounds like fun. Scratches Chin

Rehabilitation for this class of person was not an option, just punishment, and plenty of it.

Much like Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells Victorian society believed prison was an easy option so jails were quickly reformed under the strapline:

HARD LABOUR, HARD FARE AND HARD BOARD.

Sounds like a Daily Mule headline.

Hard Labour: the treadmill, the crank and picking oakum.
Hard Fare: a deliberately monotonous diet, with exactly the same food on the same day each week.
Hard Board: wooden board beds replaced the hammocks that prisoners had slept on before.

Add to that regular beatings, use of straight jackets and leg irons to chain prisoners to walls and of course: transportation. With this level of official brutality it's a quick hop and a jump to viewing the death sentence as perfectly acceptable solution to criminality - even for petty crimes. Hanging soon became the preferred solution for multiple re-offenders - even for children.

Perhaps hunger, deprivation, abuse and privation can cause people to become criminals?

Who cares! There's plenty more where they came from!

Nowadays thanks to the Theory of Criminal Anthropology we now KNOW how to spot recidivists: they have pierced earlobes, large jaws, a prolongation of the coccyx [sure sign!] bloodshot eyes, exhibit extreme vanity, will be very shouty, sport excessive body tattoos and are usually left handed.

Granted these are just some of characteristics that alert the Criminal Anthropologist to latent criminality in a person, but keen students will know more of these "tells". Let's see how much YOU know.

Ready? Lets play...
Badoom tish!

VICTORIAN VINTAGE "WHAT’S MY CRIME?”

Click here to view original image

"Beat the evil out of them!"


Five of the following have been found guilty by a jury of their socially superior, intellectual and moral betters and rightly jailed with hard labour; the most bad ass criminal detailed here was actually transported to New Zealand for LIFE [HUZZAH!] for committing one of the following crimes:

STEALING IRON - bits of scrap - all you can carry in a bag!
BEING A GLUTTON - actually nibbled on every pear in a bowl!
BURGLARY - some clothes, some pins [wtf] and half a pork pie!
CAT KILLER - somebody's pet [perhaps] but certainly a sweet puss!
MILKED A COW AND DRANK THE MILK - about one pint, said they were hungry!
INNOCENT OF THESE CHARGES


Using your Criminal Anthropology skill sets can you by merely viewing their mugshots: identify the innocent party, match the criminal to their revolting crime and for full points say which one was TRANSPORTED TO VAN DIEMANS LAND? [New Zealand]

THE SUSPECTS:

ANN

Click here to view original image


FRANCOIS

Click here to view original image


HARRY

Click here to view original image


PADDY THE DEVIL

Click here to view original image


PEP

Click here to view original image


ELLEN

Click here to view original image


Badoom tish!

VICTORIAN VINTAGE "WHAT'S MY CRIME?"

Click here to view original image

"Laugh all the way to Van Diemen's Land you scum!"


I will publish the results of the students decisions and details of the sentences [including who got transported!] awarded to each of the scofflaws pictured above next week.

Remember: it's just a little bit of fun for you and me. Not so much for them though.

Episode 1 can be found HERE Episode 2 can be found HERE Episode 3 can be found HERE Episode 4 can be found HERE Episode 5 can be found HERE


Sometimes she shines, and I know
On this plain day
Beauty has her way

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Old Post25-05-2018 08:33 AM
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Latex Zebra
Yeah, something is probably happening somewhere.

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OK... I wont fuck this up this time.


STEALING IRON - Paddy the Devil
BEING A GLUTTON - Pep
BURGLARY - Henry
CAT KILLER - somebody's pet [perhaps] but certainly a sweet puss!
MILKED A COW AND DRANK THE MILK - Ann
INNOCENT OF THESE CHARGES - Francois

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Old Post25-05-2018 09:37 AM
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Guile
A magnificent animal of a man

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2617 - Threads: 65
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy

Quote:
Latex Zebra wrote on 25-05-2018 10:37 AM

OK... I wont fuck this up this time.


STEALING IRON - Paddy the Devil
BEING A GLUTTON - Pep
BURGLARY - Henry
CAT KILLER - somebody's pet [perhaps] but certainly a sweet puss!
MILKED A COW AND DRANK THE MILK - Ann
INNOCENT OF THESE CHARGES - Francois



Thanks LZ, just to clarify you say Ellen killed the cat?

Click here to view original image


Sometimes she shines, and I know
On this plain day
Beauty has her way

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Old Post25-05-2018 10:03 AM
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Latex Zebra
Yeah, something is probably happening somewhere.

Registered: Feb 2003
Posts: 15055 - Threads: 338
Location: London



Poll Winner!
2016
óò
Winner
KING CON
Joint Winner
Day Party - Alumni
Honourable Mention
Tune - Mind Shift - Luke Warner and Latex Zebra
Winner
DJ
Winner
Resident DJ
Winner
Party Animal
Winner
Club Night - Zoology 15

Quote:
Guile wrote on 25-05-2018 11:03 AM

Thanks LZ, just to clarify you say Ellen killed the cat?
Click here to view original image




Fuck yeah.

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Old Post25-05-2018 15:16 PM
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pieman

Registered: Mar 2013
Posts: 2532 - Threads: 4
Location:

Gutted I missed the last one, being out in the bush for a while getting my nature groove on. I will pass judgement when I get home and not using squinternet on my phone, but I can say with some certainty that 'Ann' is clearly Isambard Brunel in ladies' clothes, perhaps after a night out in the fleshpots of victorian Vauxhall.

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Old Post28-05-2018 06:50 AM
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pieman

Registered: Mar 2013
Posts: 2532 - Threads: 4
Location:

Stealing iron - Paddy the devil
Gluttony - 'Ann'
Burglary - Harry
Cat killer - Pep
Milked a cow and drank the lot - Francois
Innocent - Ellen


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Old Post29-05-2018 10:46 AM
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Guile
A magnificent animal of a man

Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2617 - Threads: 65
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy

Aaaaaand a big welcome back to the results of special one off episode of:
Badoom tish!

VICTORIAN VINTAGE - "WHAT’S MY CRIME?”


Victorians were keen to punish lawbreakers, and correctly viewed criminals as an underclass that were just waiting to commit crimes, living outside or in squats, having many sexual partners, abusing alcohol and exotic new drugs day and night, ignoring the mores of polite society.
Scratches Chin
Rehabilitation for this class of person was not part of the picture, just punishment, and plenty of it.

Hard Labour: the treadmill, the crank and picking oakum.
Hard Fare: a deliberately monotonous diet, with exactly the same food on the same day each week.
Hard Board: wooden board beds replaced the hammocks that prisoners had slept on before.

Add to that regular beatings, use of straight jackets and leg irons to chain prisoners to walls and of course: transportation. With this level of official brutality, hanging soon became the preferred solution for re-offenders - even the children.

Perhaps hunger, deprivation, abuse and privation can cause people to become criminals?

Who cares! There's plenty more where they came from!

Ready? Lets play...
Badoom tish!

VICTORIAN VINTAGE "WHAT’S MY CRIME?”

Click here to view original image

"Bring back conscription"


Using only their Criminal Anthropology skill sets our players must spot the single innocent and match the criminals to their crime.

The Crimes:

STEALING IRON - bits of scrap - all you can carry.
BEING A GLUTTON - nibbled on every pear in a bowl.
BURGLARY - some clothes, some pins [wtf] and a pork pie
CAT KILLER - somebody's pet [perhaps]
MILKED A COW AND DRANK THE MILK - about one pint
INNOCENT OF THESE CHARGES


Can you identify the innocent party? Which one got transported? Aaaaaand for full points match the suspects to the revolting and heinous crimes listed above?

THE SUSPECTS:

ANN WILLIAMS.
MILK THIEF.
TRANSPORTED TO TASMANIA, A ONE WAY TICKET.

TWO PREVIOUS CONVICTIONS, ONE FOR STEALING SUGAR TONGS AND SOAP AND ANOTHER FOR STEALING A DRESS.
SAID SHE WAS HUNGRY.
USED FOUL LANGUAGE IN COURT.

Click here to view original image


FRANCOIS BERTILLION.
GLUTTON.
NIBBLED ON EVERY PEAR IN A BOWL. AS SHE WAS THE DAUGHTER OF THE PHOTOGRAPHER PERHAPS THIS WAS A TEST SHOT.

Click here to view original image


HARRY STEVENSON.
BURGLAR.
STOLE CLOTHES. OBVIOUSLY A COOL CAT GOING BY THE DUDS HE'S WEARING IN HIS MUGSHOT.
TWO MONTHS PRISON

Click here to view original image


PADDY THE DEVIL.
INNOCENT OF THESE CHARGES, OBJECTED TO HAVING HIS PICTURE TAKEN, OR WAS COMING UP ON E.
HISTORY DOESN'T RECORD HIS LAST NAME OR HIS ACTUAL CRIME, BUT HE WAS IRISH, A CRIME IN ITSELF IN THOSE DAYS.

Click here to view original image


PEP.
CAT KILLER.
JAIL FOR LIFE.
HOPEFULLY PEP ACTED AS A MASCOT FOR THE JAIL.
IGNORANCE OF THE LAW IS NO DEFENCE.

Click here to view original image


ELLEN WOODMAN.
IRON THIEF.
ONE WEEK HARD LABOUR.
THIS STARVING WAIF WAS PART OF A GANG OF IRON THIEVES.
THEY WERE ALL GIRLS, THE AMOUNT OF IRON THEY COULD CARRY MUST HAVE BEEN NEGLIGBLE.

Click here to view original image


Badoom tish!

VICTORIAN VINTAGE "WHAT'S MY CRIME?"

Click here to view original image

"Enjoy your witchetty grubs"


How did our players do?

Quote:
Latex Zebra wrote on 25-05-2018 10:37 AM
OK... I wont fuck this up this time.
BURGLARY - Henry
MILKED A COW AND DRANK THE MILK - Ann
INNOCENT OF THESE CHARGES - Francois



Bang on with these replies! Although Francois is recorded as a glutton, technically LZ is correct.

Quote:
pieman wrote on 29-05-2018 11:46 AM
Burglary - Harry
Cat killer - Pep



Bang on with these replies!

Well done guys, proud of you! This weeks cap and gown goes to DARREN FUCKING NUGGETHappy Birthday!

Remember: it's just a little bit of fun for you and me. It wasn't for the so called criminals in Victorian times though.

Episode 1 can be found HERE Episode 2 can be found HERE Episode 3 can be found HERE Episode 4 can be found HERE Episode 5 can be found HERE


This whole world is out there just trying to score
I've seen enough I don't want to see any more.

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Old Post31-05-2018 15:00 PM
Guile is offline   Click Here to See the Profile for Guile   Click Here to send a Private Message to  Guile   Click Here to Email Guile       Link to this Post   Quote this message in a PM   Reply Quoting Entire Message   Reply Quoting Last Post   
Latex Zebra
Yeah, something is probably happening somewhere.

Registered: Feb 2003
Posts: 15055 - Threads: 338
Location: London



Poll Winner!
2016
óò
Winner
KING CON
Joint Winner
Day Party - Alumni
Honourable Mention
Tune - Mind Shift - Luke Warner and Latex Zebra
Winner
DJ
Winner
Resident DJ
Winner
Party Animal
Winner
Club Night - Zoology 15

Quote:
Guile wrote on 31-05-2018 04:00 PM


Well done guys, proud of you! This weeks cap and gown goes to DARREN FUCKING NUGGETHappy Birthday!




Fucking YES!

Maybe I should have been Plod in the Victorian times. I would have caught that sad sack Jack The Ripper I reckon.


YES!


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Old Post31-05-2018 18:03 PM
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pieman

Registered: Mar 2013
Posts: 2532 - Threads: 4
Location:

Stovepipe hats off to LZ, well done sir. I don't know about mandy, but poor paddy looks like he's had a rough k-hole experience at a dirty squat party in an old office block in Acton and is waiting at 7 the next morning for his friends to carry his sorry ass home. We've all been there. Bring on the next one - you realise this can never end now, Guile?

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Old Post01-06-2018 10:02 AM
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