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Guile
A magnificent animal of a man
Registered: Sep 2001
Posts: 2659 - Threads: 68
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villainy
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Criminal Anthropology Simulation Master Class
Difficulty level:3
You may struggle without the correct training and background in Criminal Anthropology. Play catch up:
Here with: "YOU ARE THE..."
&
Here with: "WHAT'S MY CRIME?"
The people named and their crimes as detailed in this thread are real. They have all been found guilty in court. On occasions jurors have deliberated over the evidence. In each case, a judge has decided their crimes are so serious that only a custodial sentence will suffice. The scenario covered in this thread may be offensive or disturbing to some readers. It is a work of fiction and for educational purposes only. No identification with places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. No person or entity associated with this thread received payment or anything of value, or entered into any agreement, in connection with the depiction of tobacco products. No animals were harmed in the making of this thread.
Ready?
Well let's play:
KING CON
Have you got what it takes to rise like the scum you are to the top of the rancid pool that is H.M.P. Hafa Towers?
Each episode will give you choices to make, relying not only your Criminal Anthropology skill sets you will have to lie, bribe, cheat, intimidate, claw, gouge, shank and strangle your way to the top of the shit heap.
CAN YOU BECOME:
KING CON
In last weeks episode...
...You blagged your way onto the Vulnerable Prisoners Unit and shanked one of those pedo's right the fuck up. You then framed one of the prison arseholes for the job.
Go you, you mad bastard.
Everyone knows you did it.
You're starting to look like a man who can do whatever he fucking likes.
You need some cronies. Back up. You can't be everywhere sorting out everybody's everything for ever. Find some guys you can "trust" to fuck over the other inmates, bring their mates on board with you, run your various scams and cover your arse - at least if only when you're sleeping. You need FAM.
Pudding is very important inside. Here in H.M.P. Hafa Towers Rhubarb Crumble and Custard is the premier pudding, only served on a Sunday. Giving someone an extra portion of it indicates mutual respect.
Rhubarb crumble and custard!
Food Hall tables seat six cons, but big dogs sit 3 to a table.
Using your Criminal Anthropology skills study the mugshots below and pick out THREE mugs you want to intimidate and force to leave the table immediately whilst ordering them to leave their Rhubarb Crumble and Custard for you to gift to the TWO cons you want as cronies.
Pick the two maddest, meanest OG's from the following FIVE mugshots to make them part of your FAM. The other three convicts? You order them to go and leave their puddings.
And inform them of your contempt by adding additional seasoning to their chips...
"Fuck off with that, NOW! And leave the crumble"
There is no right or wrong answer, you need to draw on the knowledge life has given you and all you have learned from the last two terms of your course in Criminal Anthropology. Each decision you make will earn you RESPECT points. These points added together will determine the winner of each episode. At the series end the highest scoring convict becomes...
KING CON
Win respect in the food hall, build up a fam, and yes, you'll be the man, dog!
Ready? Choose three of the following dopes to give the flick to and keep the two maddest fuckers close to you and share out the Rhubarb Crumble and Custard.
Well, let's play:
KING CON
Are you going to fuck off...
ABDU
PAUL
PATSY
JACKO
ALEX
Remember: It's just for fun 
KING CON
I will publish the results nest week.
Pro-tip: TOTAL PARANOIA IS JUST TOTAL AWARENESS.
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 17-08-2018 08:52 AM |
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soumyadasari
Registered: Aug 2018
Posts: 4 - Threads: 0
Location: delhi
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[Edited by Matt on 17-08-2018 11:41 AM]<urls removed>
any future  will be automatically deleted
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| 17-08-2018 11:13 AM |
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pieman
Registered: Mar 2013
Posts: 2532 - Threads: 4
Location:
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[Edited by pieman on 17-08-2018 21:53 PM]Abdu - Handy looking bloke but his OCD beard suggests he's also a bit of a religious fundie. As LZ says, ethnicities tend to stick together in the big house so he probably wouldn't be interested even if I asked him.
Paul - A drunken wasteman, weak and unreliable. Looks like he's inside for something he blundered into without thinking and still hasn't quite got his head around it. Not a chance.
Patsy - A face like a toilet wall, the only things missing are a giant cock and balls and his sister's number with "for a good time call..." appended to it. One of the rules of being in the IRA is that you tell nobody about it, so I'd say he's a Billy Bullshit armchair hardman and also a bit of a loose cannon; you have to question the thinking skills of someone who ends up looking like that. He can f*** right off.
Jacko - A veteran of HMYOI since the age of 10, his mug screams 'f*** you, f*** life, f*** society'. Has an already short fuse on the out, and a hair-trigger one inside, looks like he'd give you the bash just for thinking "what an ugly c***" as he passes your cell. I'll have him.
Alex - Despite being shackled to a screw looks liek he hasn't a care in the world. Would be happy sitting in his cell force-feeding weaker cons Spice and filming the results for YT, but also looks a bit handy and well-built. He's in.
Jacko and Alex get extra crumble, the rest get a slice of cold steel for pudding.
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| 17-08-2018 14:44 PM |
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Coops
Registered: Jul 2003
Posts: 18545 - Threads: 513
Location:
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[Edited by Coops on 21-08-2018 14:21 PM][Edited by Coops on 21-08-2018 18:47 PM] Abdu He has the eyes of a killer, there will be those who hate him for his ethnicity.
Paul I reckon he can handle himself a bit but he also looks like he is liable to kidney failure
Patsy Almost sure to be a nutter, but it takes more than that to be one of the chaps.
Jacko Looks like he would shank his own mum but also looks a bit like a seasoned hard man would get the better of him in a straightener.
Alex There is something about that cocky look and his build that tells me he can handle himself and is not afraid to give it up if needed. He is young and possibly looking to build his own rep by becoming the henchman of the prisons new
top dog.
I will break bread with Abdu and Alex. I will instruct them to give the others a hiding just to make sure they know who the top firm are.
I've got chickens in my back yard
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| 21-08-2018 14:21 PM |
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